Here’s how the trip went:

in Amsterdam they got
really high and laughed
at a fat prostitute
who showed them her vag
through the window

in Paris they drunk coffee
every morning
every evening
rouge by the Seine
mainly ate pizza
underwhelmed
by the Mona Lisa

they stopped having sex
it wasn’t easy to do that
while staying in dorms
you have to take your chances
they took none

she realised her feelings
were decreasing
when she looked out over
at the Mediterranean
from the Basilique Notre-Dame
de la Garde
and caught the eye
of a bearded man
with scars on his face

who stared at her
with impassive French desire
the fierceness of that boredom
and restriction when Sam noticed
she was looking at another man
made her flare

on the train to Cannes he
rubbed himself against her
trying to rekindle
and for the first time since they’d
kissed that night she craved
loneliness

she told him she didn’t feel like it
especially not on this weird train
she slept with the vibration on the tracks

awoke and left the station
feeling like a puritan
as lukewarm rain fell on Italian flagstones

Torino, Fiorenze, Roma
Napoli, Trieste
two weeks went by
in a blur of churches
wine, no sex
and pizza

all the architectural splendour
coalesced into one dumb spine
that stuck into her passion
like the book in her rucksack
that wouldn’t effectively pack

the need to be alone
and his cowardice in ignoring that fact
his namby pamby affections
and redundant cock
nearly forced her from the night train
at 3am when it stopped in Llubljana

nearly

they watched the Alps
all the way to Vienna
stayed in a good, cheap hostel
made a lot of friends
walked up a big hill with them
drank beer at the top
she saw Sam loosen up, enjoyed
watching him make conversation
watching him flirt with other women
some of the feeling came back

but not as strong as it was
she started feeling like
she needed to work
at being with him
he was a good man
for these four last days
in Berlin
they would splash out
on a hotel room
and she would really try
to keep on loving him

tired from all the travelling
they did inane things and
she willed her love for him
to be amplified by that city’s ugliness

on their last day they both agreed
to explore the history
of the East

they went to Prenzlauerberg
to see the last remaining section
of the wall

read the exhibits first, then spent ten minutes
on the grass just looking at it

one piece of graffiti stuck out

it said

please don’t be angry when I’m not here for you
love me like I love you, always and forever

she read it a few times
then turned to look at Sam
who was looking intently at her

he started trying to express himself
the idea that something
wasn’t right between them
he only blamed himself
incapable

she kept reading the wall
every word he spoke
seemed to just repeat
the same theme